An Ode to my Gallbladder

My last blog was a dramatic goodbye to a hand mixer, and now we are saying goodbye to another old friend. I have watched it grow, mature with me, it's stuck with me through thick and thin. It has never left my side, has seen it all, and endured the toughest times with me. Goodbye to Mr. Gallbladder. Austa Lawago. Sianara Senora. Viva Las Gallbladdero. Bye Bye now. I will fill you in with more exciting details in a moment, but first I must ask WHY did the following picture pop up when I Googled images of Gallbladders? I mean I don't mind that the picture popped up, and I'm sure he has a gallbladder (probably a very good looking gallbladder) but seriously, why?

Anyway- this is what I was really looking for. Of course my gallbladder is not a cartoon, and I considered sending a picture of a real gallbladder, but in case anyone is reading this while eating I'd hate to have projectile food all over a nice computer. OK, now it all started 2 weeks ago. I woke up in immense pain. Thought I was going to die, and honestly I wouldn't have minded dying if I knew the pain would go away, but I thought it was due to some common issue and would go away. After a day (because I'm a moron) it was getting worse and I went to the ER (first time in my life, and it was NOT like the TV show. No George Clooney, no one saying STAT, or Code Red, and they put me in a semi private room in a gown that left my backside showing the world, and I peed in a cup, which they set on a counter, also showing the world). At that point I was glad there was no George Clooney doctor. SO the doctor's assistant, who weirdly reminded me of my sister's husband, said casually that I had gallstones and needed to have my gallbladder out. Thanks Dr. "Looks like Phil" for letting me know- can I put my clothes on now? But he said no, sent in the meanest nurse he could find who bruised me because she didn't know how to poke me with a needle, hooked me up to an IV, with the most wonderful pain medication ever, and sent me for tests. It was a fun way to spend a Thursday afternoon. As I lay there waiting for the next doctor to ask me embarrassing questions about bowel movements, I was wishing I'd come in earlier in the day so I could have caught Gilmore Girls on TV. I would have had some entertainment, and not just soap operas and Oprah. I also entertained myself by taking pictures with my camera phone of my IV, me in my hospital gown, the board with the doctor and the evil nurse's names on it. To make a short story longer, they allowed me to get dressed, signed me out and sent me home with antibiotics. Fast forward, 2 weeks later I have met with my surgeon, asked him all sorts of pointless, but yet worrisome questions. For example "Since my gallbladder is so small, how to you know you won't accidentally suck something out with it- like a kidney or if my liver has depended on my gallbladder for 26 years, is it going to have a difficult time adjusting when my gallbladder divorces my liver and he moves on? Is my liver going to shrivel up, become withdrawn, and buy 10 cats to live with and watch reruns of Golden Girls on Sat night? My surgeon was kind enough to answer my questions and now I am preparing for surgery tomorrow. Thankfully though I'll be able to take a few days off work and spend time with my parents who are coming to help me recover. I want Mom to bring a camera to the hospital and video tape anything embarrassing I may say while under pain medication. Several years ago with my wisdom teeth, I was put to sleep and woke asking Mom if the man nurse was cute and I was apparently fluent in sign language. Maybe I'll say something really incriminating and Mom can catch it all on tape! Wish me luck!